Discussion questions on gospel-centered parenting. Much of this material is gathered from notes from a conference given by Trey Richardson at CLC on January 23-24, 2004.
Set the stage
Topic is gospel-centered parenting.
Applicable to all of us, not only because most will probably someday be parents, but also because we all need to be reminded of the centrality of the cross — that our salvation comes from a merciful God, not from our work.
Trey provided encouragement: parenting is a calling, not a gifting. God has called every parent to their task, and so he will surely give them adequate grace to obey!
Read quotes
“Parenting cannot be understood, defined, or described as truly biblical if it fails to be gospel centered.” — CJ Mahaney
“The ultimate purpose of Godly parenting is the proclamation of the gospel to our children.” — CJ Mahaney
“May our children observe in our example the transforming effect of the gospel which gives them confidence in the gospel.” — CJ Mahaney
The gospel
Spend a few minutes respectively articulating the gospel; praise excellent wordings. Emphasize simplicity over theological profundity. Mine:
We are all sinners, in need of a savior; God has provided a savior!
We are all dead in our sins, with no hope before God; Jesus Christ, the son of God, died a sacrificial death to reconcile sinners to God and to give them life.
Why the gospel?
Why is it important that parenting be gospel-centered?
We are commanded and called to this. Deut. 6:4-9; Eph. 6:4.
For the sake of God’s glory.
For our children’s sake: salvation.
Reflecting the gospel
Trey stated that the example we model precedes and supports any explicit teaching we give our children. How is the gospel reflected in our day-to-day life? Where are areas of encouraging grace, and where are areas of needed change?
What would someone observing of your family say was your greatest passion?
Would someone observing your family be encouraged to observe the transforming power of the gospel?
Does our example need to be perfect? No! That is legalism. We are to display an authentic example in humility before God.
Trey said that, once we model the gospel, teaching our children is merely “explaining to [them] what they are seeing in our lives.” How is the centrality of the gospel reflected in our training and teaching our children? Where are areas of encouraging grace, and where are areas of needed change?
This is beyond much of the group’s current season in life. Perhaps ask the B*****s if they can encourage the rest of the group with examples from their family life.
Is scripture and doctrine a frequent topic of conversation and discussion?
Is prayer a regular practice?
Trey said that gospel-centered discipline seeks to mold our children’s hearts toward God rather than shape their outward behavior. How is the gospel reflected in our discipline? Where are areas of encouraging grace, and where are areas of needed change?
Do we emphasize obedience and ethics over the gospel’s message that our children need a savior?
What does gospel-oriented discipline look like?
Seeks to incline their heart toward God rather than self.
Seeks to convey an understanding of their sinful state.
Seeks to convey an understanding of their need for a savior.
Seeks to encourage them in God’s provision for a savior.
Back to the gospel
The gospel informs us that we cannot save ourselves — but that God saves us.
We have no power to save our children.
“I know you cannot convert your child. I know well that they who are born again are born, not of the will of man, but of God. But I know also that God says expressly, “Train up a child in the way he should go,” and that he never laid a command on man which he would not give man grace to perform. And I know, too, that our duty is not to stand still and dispute, but to go forward and obey. It is just in the going forward that God will meet us. The path of obedience is the way in which he gives the blessing. We have only to do as the servants were commanded at the marriage feast in Cana, to fill the water-pots with water, and we may safely leave it to the Lord to turn that water into wine.” — JC Ryle
Do we turn to God for grace in prayer, while striving to be obedient to his calling and command?
Close in prayer:
That the importance of the saving work of Jesus would be central in all our lives;
That we as parents would be encouraged and receive God’s grace to put this into practice; and
That God would move upon the hearts of our children to draw them to him.
In faith — see Doug Wilson (on schooling, but also more broadly applicable to parenting).